A wonderful Christmas with my beautiful family, bought the new house 'Apartment in the 'burbs', threw myself into decorating and putting my stamp on it (almost finished but not quite), caught up with old friends, successfully shopped for a new medical team, celebrated yet another birthday in the tropics and was made to feel so special on Mothering Sunday.
I count my blessings, I am no longer a 'drifter' - I have a fixed abode, my integrity and good intentions is firmly intact, my middle-aged common sense continues to stand me in good stead, and I have several pairs of cute shoes now instead of one. And my suitcase is unpacked and still filled with all I have learned.
I am now 'back home', back to the future - rediscovered my home town all over again. Familiarised myself with her changing patterns.
Although my good humour, optimism and positive approach is alive and well I have discovered during this continuing journey some unexpected things about myself. Nothing big, nothing earth shattering ......but I am disappointed that I still feel (to a somewhat lesser degree), aimless and without purpose. I thought that just living in the moment and for each day would be good - I find it's not. The future can be 3 months ahead or one year, but none-the-less I have discovered that for me, planning ahead is satisfying - things to look forward to, to plan for. Most surprising is I thought I was much braver than I am. Is it an age thing? I don't know - I haven't thought about it too deeply. I have discovered that some things just aren't fun or fulfilling undertaken alone. So there comes limitations, in all sorts of ways. But, I still count my blessings for they are many and I read something recently that my good blog friend Typist from HERE wrote and those words resonated deeply with me:
"Accepting that what you want to do and what you can do aren't always the same and that's okay"
Around here:
I've been working on a little garden project along the front wall of the house and when I eventually post a couple of photos I beg you to remember I am NOT a gardener........
Mystery bird -
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Around here:
I've been working on a little garden project along the front wall of the house and when I eventually post a couple of photos I beg you to remember I am NOT a gardener........
Mystery bird -
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Not such a mystery, but a handsome specimen!
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HAPPY BLOGGING!
Hi Sweet Rose, Life is a continuing journey ---and we travel that road always wondering about the future and the way we are living. I think your feelings are normal.
ReplyDeleteBUT--I do think you need some single women friends to do things with --such as dinner, concerts, theater, trips, etc. In our country, there are groups through churches and agencies which sponsor single groups. I don't know what is available for you--but you really do need some friends and new relationships in your area... Hope you can find something to continue to fulfill your life now, and just keep making it better and better..
Hugs,
Betsy
Ah Betsy, you are a lady of great wisdom and who speaks from experience. Perhaps the time is nigh for me to become more social, perhaps I've been in the healing phase a little too long. You've given me lots to ponder.
DeleteHugs
R.x
Fabulous post Miss Rose. When we are re-evaluating it can seem as though we don't have a purpose; sometimes it's just that we haven't found it; sometimes it's right in front of us and we can't see it; and sometimes it's just because. At those times it is always good to take a page from the Book of Cow Philosophy... 'wander aimlessly and eat a lot'. ;) You're sure to wander onto the right track soon enough!
ReplyDeleteH and Flo
Forever insightful 'H', you're words are precisely where I'm at. :)
DeleteHahahaha, Book of Cow Philosophy - love it! If I ever get up to Darwin I'll be looking you up girl!
Excuse me for interrupting your convo but I am without doubt a practitioner of your Cow Pholosophy and just had to thank you H, for giving it a name.
DeleteHahahaha, Typist, put your nose back in that kiwi soil - you'd better be looking there and not S. America........are you going there later in the year????? to conduct another reccy??? Abandoning Ms Pea again?????
DeleteAfraid so. We've not given up looking a for a good house sitter. Plenty around, but looking after a pushy bigdog, not so easy :(
DeleteI know, not so eeasy - I had friends who thought they had the perfect house sitter (promised the world she did) and dog minder, but on their return (2 weeks) the dog was healthy but the neighbours informed them that the dog hadn't been out of their tiny yard for the whole time!!
Deleteps. I think the beauty of seagulls is very underappreciated in this world. Their eyes are stunning and the lines of their beaks and feathers are just fabulous. I love seagulls. Except when they steal my chips. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd your mystery bird is a blue-faced honey eater, except that it's a juvenile, so his face is green! xx
Ah another honey-eater! How exciting. My love of birds is gaining this scary momentum! I can't believe what you said about seagulls - I love them too, so much so that I shabby-chic-ed these wooden frames, searched for days to find the right seagull pics on the net, printed them out and voila in the frames! I did them in sepia and I love 'em, gosh I'll have to pop a pic up just for "us" ;)
Deletexx
Do it!
DeleteEven though you feel you are still aimless I sense that you are heading in the right direction! Love the quote. (So much at I "stole" it for my "A Thought."
ReplyDeleteThank you Betty I'm sure a track that's appealing to me will pop up sooner or later.
DeleteSince my husband's death in November, I am still seeking to find my direction. It takes time and will not happen over night.
ReplyDeleteGosh Rose, where have those months gone - seems like yesterday and yet so long ago too. I wonder where life's paths will lead you dear girl.
DeleteAwww lady, you are an inspiration, the way you handled the separation and your medical issues. I remember how impressed I was by your optimism and ability to just move on. I detected sadness but no bitterness. I don't know what your plans are but based on your house purchase, I think they may come to you SUDDENLY lol.
ReplyDeleteSpending one night in coromandel town and we love it. The Internet connection is shite though ;)
Hugs X
Awwww back at you 'T' :) look back up the page to 'H' I left you a little response up there.....
DeleteIs your internet one of those mobile stick thingies? Did you give Mr O your blog address, if he sees he's famous he would likely give the Pea royal treatment!
xxx
Yes, I did give Mr O the blog link but he's not even into emailing!
DeleteHmmm, so does Mr O get the thumbs up or the thumbs down..... we shall hold judgement until your return. Ms Pea may still have been treated like royalty.
DeleteDear Rose,
ReplyDeleteI do endorse the Cow Philosopy -which was a new name to me - but definitely not a new concept!
Sending you warm wishes from Buster and me n New York.
Life is horribly touch at times
Hi Elizabeth! I can see 'H''s Cow Philosophy is going to take off!
DeleteHave a great day over there, or evening, and it certainly should be warming up now. :)
I can't spell - meant TOUGH
ReplyDeleteDear, dear Rose ~ I hear you. Some days are worse than others as far as feeling 'aimless and without purpose'. Some days the grief can be overwhelming, and other days, I feel relatively calm and like I might know what I'm doing. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am just trying to go with the flow. I did find a Widow's group that meets once a month, and I am hoping to make a friend or two to hang out with on occasion.
I do work part-time so that is good for me. I've some unfinished projects that we were working on that I am thinking about, gardens to tend, life to live. With God by my side, I can do all things. He is my strength and my comfort, without Him I would be a total basket case.
Love and hugs to you dear heart as you live each day the best you can. Love your photos.
FlowerLady
Everything is so new, so undeniably RAW for you Lorraine and considering that, I think you are doing OK however, without your wonderful faith you undoubtedly would be struggling in a whole different way. You've also found a wonderful outlet through your blogs and my admiration is skyhigh for "how" you share, not necessarily "what" you share. Although you may not feel it at times, you have an inner beauty and peace that draws one.
DeleteHugs back and may today bring sunshine to your world.
R.
Definitely a handsome specimen! You are still on your Life's journey. As life around you changes, you adapt. It is not easy, but it is not really supposed to be. It is supposed to be a challenge, so you will keep growing and learning.
ReplyDeleteIf you are the kind of person, maybe you can join a walker's club (where people meet at a mall or somewhere to go walking together) or some kind of group where you will be able to socialize a little and maybe make a new friend or two.
I can feel the sadness emanating from you. Its okay to feel sad. Just keep on going!
Nikki! another seagull supporter, how wonderful!
DeleteYou are wise beyond your years.....you are so right, if life is a journey then its bound to change and with that comes adaptation, and of course its supposed to be challenge so that we never stop learning and growing.
Mostly I am extremely happy and positive!
Have a wonderful day over there dear girl.
:)
I know exactly what yo mean rose, and every time I make plan, god laughs his head off and I have to re think it, or forget it all together! These are just little plans, so it puts me off major ones that require some kind of monetary or long term commitment.
ReplyDeletePlus I have to sort out, put right, figure what to do alone, and sometimes it just leaves me exhausted and overwhelmed.
On the other hand, today I made a lovely cake, with almond flour and sugar substitute, so very little carbs to send my blood sugar soaring, this felt exhilarating, finally a cake to have with a cuppa! Little things do it for me most if the time, just as well eh! All the best y dear, love your birds. CCL xxx
Hahaha CCL, yeah big planning usually involves monetary commitment! Hadn't thought of that - perhaps I'd best stick to living day to day after all!!
DeleteHow did the cake turn out!? Have you done a post and pic on it? There would be a lot of interested people especially if the said cake gets your thumbs up.
Keep those little thing on the go ok? :)
XX
Hi Rose. I finally made it over your way! Only have a few minutes to kill(I gotta go mow my lawn or the neighbors are gonna kick me out of the neighborhood! Lol). I'm glad to hear you are doing good and feeling settled. As far as all all the other feelings, I can relate to almost every one of them myself. Maybe it's got something to do with being alone again at our ages. I'm sure we will both figure it out and everything will fall into place again.........We will figure it out, Right Rose?!! Everything will fall into place again, Right Rose?!!! Lol
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Kevin, YES IT WILL (lol) all will be (is) well with the world!!
ReplyDeleteYou make me laugh.....
You mustn't let your lawn get out of control - the ladies like nice neat yards (there's a tip for you)
You aren't neglecting those awesome exotic plants you grow are you???
Go mow....
xx
Hello Rose, thanks for visiting my very quiet blog. I think I'll cancel May from now on, it's just too tiring.
ReplyDeleteI feel quite a lot of empathy with your feelings, I think it may be an age thing. The Typist has the right answer I think.
I sometimes push myself with some of my hikes too far. This last weekend which I've yet to post saw me walking Friday, Saturday and Sunday with the latter in very wet and windy conditions. I could do nothing Monday and wasn't a lot of good Tuesday either.
Love the Honey Eater, that same Seagull ate some of my fish and chips down at Humpybong, Redcliffe I'd recognise it anywhere !
I think you are the ultimate adventurer Jim! especially during May.
DeleteIt seems I was right to be concerned about you! I hope there's a pic of you in the next post-of-wild-conditions.
-chuckle- So it's not just the Aussie seagull who has a penchant for fish and chips, it's a world-wide phenomenon!
PS: May is not over yet - is there more exhaustion to come?? ;)
Next week it's over to Ireland and the Mountains of Mourne Rose
DeleteReally?? This is fabulous stuff Jim!
DeleteHello Rose, love this post! I am glad you feel now 'back home', back to the future - rediscovered my home town all over again. Just great!
ReplyDeleteI loved too the Typist words, they are so wise and so true. "Accepting that what you want to do and what you can do aren't always the same and that's okay".
Thank you so much for your visiting and nice congratulations to my son! So sweet of you! Many hugs!
PS: Just to let you know: when I click on your name on comment, I have this message: "Profile Not Available - The Blogger Profile you requested cannot be displayed. Many Blogger users have not yet elected to publicly share their Profile. If you're a Blogger user, we encourage you to enable access to your Profile."
Hello Sonia,
DeleteThank you for your support and good wishes. :)
Thankyou very much too for that feedback on commenting. The only thing I've done is to omit my Profile from the side bar and put it in a tab at the top of the page instead. Blogger is so frustrating at times and I have no idea why it needs to say that. So long as it doesn't interfere with commenting by you or other visitors!
Have a wonderful day over there!
Hugs
R.
Oh, Dear Rose, I feel your heart today! I know we all get to places at times where we wonder the same kind of things you've mentioned today. God knows our future and He sees the big picture where we only see a tiny bit of it. I know we have to walk each day in faith and eat lots of chocolate! I'm sorry, couldn't help myself! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for popping in and I will say a prayer for you, sweetie,
Shelia ;)
Sometimes I'd like a clearer glimpse into His big picture!
DeleteHaha Shelia, but of course we must eat lots of chocolate whilst negotiating the twists and turns that life throws our way. (Cadburys is my fav)
Hugs Shelia, I hope you're having the best day!
xx
You know what you are feeling is not uncomman but to each of us it is so personal. I look at my yard and think I will do this and this today and I am pooped out in 1 hour. It makes me mad that I do not have the stamina I had when I was 20. But then I look at these young girls and when they are talking I just laugh. Their wisdom will come in their own time. I'm praying that God give you direction and peace. P.S. You need a dog! LOL
ReplyDeleteHI Cheri, thank you for your encouragement and nope no dogs :)
Deletex
Oh, I LOVE the cow philosophy!!! Fancy doing that my whole life without knowing what it was ... and seagulls look particularly stunning when they're in their breeding plumage and their beaks and legs become even more RED than normal.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that I have the same courage and determination that you've shown ... and if you ever wonder whether you've made progress, just read some of your earlier posts!
Thankyou Marion, I've just learnt a little more about our friend the seagull. I think they're cheeky and delightful!
ReplyDeleteI never read my previous posts - perhaps I shall now. :)
x
Just catching up. I'm so behind on reading everyone's blogs! I'm like you - I'm very much a planner. I hate just living in the moment, even though I feel like I should. I think some of us are just predisposed to be a certain way. And I also think it's brave of you to admit that you're still trying to figure yourself out. There are many people who are in denial of this. You have such a kind soul - sending my love as always :)
ReplyDeleteLovely to see you Katie - thank you for your love and good wishes, hope all is amazing over your way too!
Delete